Have you ever lost someone that you cherish the most? Your mother or father? Any of your siblings? Your grandma or grandpa? Or perhaps any of your partners or friends?
If no, how sure are you that God woudn't take them away from you in a minute... an hour.. or later on today? Think about it...
I've witnessed three deaths in my life... yes, three... My mother passed away in 1998 due to brain haemorrhage while we were living in Hong Kong.. followed by my stepmum who passed away in 2002 due to black magic (long story.. let's just say, someone casted a spell on her. Someone that her brother knows well).. then in 2005, my little brother Emir passed away after undergoing a surgery to repair his arteries.
None of us predicted this.
All of them were well.. healthy.. despite my little brother having the problems, he didn't have any obvious problems. The doctor said that he would have to go for the surgery sooner or later as it may affect his growth. After undergoing the surgery, the surgeons were so happy as they had 'successfully' repaired it. So they thought..... Then Emir had a fever and he had never woke up right after the surgery for approximately 3 months.. Yes that long.. Everyday we would pray for his health. I guess God loves him more so then he passed away.. He was only 2.
Imagine going around... anywhere... seeing mothers holding their toddlers.. mothers saying 'I love you' to their children.. All happy... But, you could never get the love anymore as you no longer have a mother... That's me.. I go around thinking about her everyday... Even the word 'mama' kills me... I used to call her that. I miss saying the word.. God I miss her so bad.. It also devastates me seeing how people would lie to their mothers... they would ignore them.. send them to the retired homes.. I wish my mother was still alive so that I could take care and love her everyday. She has done so much for me.. giving birth to me is already priceless! How does a 6th grader think? Would they fully comprehend the meaning of love? How to not be a rascal? I was only 12 when she passed away. I got my period a few days later and well, she never got to see me 'mature'. The last food that she cooked was ayam kicap... I will never forget that... Eating the food already made me shed to tears.. thinking that..... it was the end. Although it has already been 10 years but I still can't go over the fact that she is gone.. I saw her old recipe book yesterday while I was tidying up my room. Seeing her handwriting almost made me cry.. My high school years was a mess! I went to a local school here in Shah Alam after failing to plead my dad to send me to ISKL. The 5 years of high school... I've never gotten more than an A. I only got an A for English and my Malay language was quite poor. Don't even ask history. So yeah, you can picture how many A's I got for SPM. My mother was the one who would discipline me in studies. But she knew how to balance my studies and extra curricular activities. Without her, I wouldn't see the world... I wouldn't learn new things.. I wouldn't be reminiscing good ol' memories.. That's mama... never mess with your mama... what's life without her? Are you sure that you can survive?
My stepmum on the other hand was a very loving stepmum. I didn't get to be with her long... but all I could say that she's the people's princess. Definitely loving like Princess Diana. Her death was very tragic.. From that point onwards, I do believe in black magic. How bad it can affect someone.. I hope that the person responsible will be punished the day the world ends...
So can you feel it? The impact? Just imagine if your loved ones passed away... would you go cuckoo or would you be strong to prove to them that you're doing alright? I took the second path despite having a bit of struggle adjusting life without a mother. I cannot say that I am wholly proud of who I am now but I'm glad that I am doing well in university...
My achievements is for you mama... God bless you, Emir and mama Farah (my late stepmum)
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