Friday, September 19, 2008


I have been a jealous and self-minded twit lately.. I do realize it but I just can't help it

Thursday, September 18, 2008

wasn't up for it..

Yesterday something big happened to me.. I woun't reveal what it was but let's say, I blew things out of proportion.. How my hate to just one particular person can affect others.. Yes, I know, how shallow minded I was when it happened however, I couldn't see the point of being nice to the person if the person is just pretending. I did respect the person but then I was stupid for trusting the person. Ok, there's so many 'the person'. Let's just name ... = ABC. I've heard quite a lot about ABC although we're far away. As I mentioned, we haven't seen each other for quite sometime. The thing that bugs me most is that how others can accept ABC when ABC talks about them too? Good PR perhaps? Or spin-doctor?
I admit that it's childish to be like this, however, we never gotten into a fight. And I'm positive that ABC doesn't know that I know what ABC did. Since it is the holy month of Ramadhan, I forgive ABC for all the wrongdoings that ABC did to me. But, I will pretend if I have to just to keep things harmony since someone around me is close to ABC and I'll make sure that it won't get detected by others!

kill kill kill

I hardly browse people's page at facebook cause I just couldn't care less.. but my guts told me to just click a few pages and see a particular thing that is going on..
And BINGO! A comment from someone that grrrr I can't stand! Of course not in my page.. another person..
I really wish I could reveal the person's name.. and what I'm going bonkers about.. but just to give you a bit of a clue, I haven't seen that person for months but only have heard of the name, constantly from someone... Over, and over... It's driving me nuts!
Why am I feeling this way? Well, let's just say that the person is a two-face. Although it's typical for anybody to be that way especially when they want their popularity rank to go up. For instance, some people will just blurt out their friend's secret to another just so that they would be the first person to tell the rest about it. Of course, I'm not talking about my real situation. My situation is - the person acts as a good friend infront but at the back kill, kill kill... die, die die...
If you know me well... really-really well, you know who I'm talking about...

Monday, September 15, 2008

Tammy and Fluffy dies..

My cute and adorable eating-machines died today..
Tammy and Fluffy..

The guinea pigs bought by my boyfriend and my auntie died today at the same time.. The cause? I'm pretty sure due to the poisonous vegetable that I bought at the pasar pagi yesterday. I would normally buy their food at Cold Storage or Tesco.. and for almost 5 month they have been munching on foods that comes from the supermarket. Not to blame the pasar, but I'm pretty sure that they died because of the cabbage I fed them the night before (they died in the morning).
To say that I did not treat them right, I think I gave them a rather high-class treatment as I often buy apple scented wood 'thingies' for their bed.. I even upgraded their house from a medium size house that my boyfriend bought me for my birthday. At times I would buy expensive cabbage for them.. I was thinking of buying them a larger house too.. :-(

I did not see this coming..

I will miss them both dearly..

Thursday, September 4, 2008

just isn't the same

I've mentioned this before, and I'm going to mention it again... that I, miss my mama so badly..
Ramadhan is here and Raya is just around the corner and without her, things doesn't feel right.. Eversince she passed away 10 years ago, Raya has never been the same. Not because of my maturing age.. it's just that with her present, at least I can salam her on that very special day.. hug her and kiss her.. Oh I long my mother's touch.. If only people knew.. I feel very sad for those who disrespect their mother and lie to them for instance, they say they're going somewhere but instead, they are heading elsewhere. They do wrong things behind their back.. they scold or curse at their mother.. I would sell my soul just to see her for one more time..
Having a stepmother isn't the same.. her love is different. She has her own child (my little brother) to love and care. I don't long for love from anyone else besides her.
This Ramadhan I'm trying my best not to miss the tarawikh prayers.. it is said that sembahyang berjemaah is better than praying alone. I no longer want to miss a single prayer.. I want to recite the Quran everyday.. I no longer want to do bad deeds.. even little ones.. InshaAllah.. I want to pray for my mother to be in heaven everyday.. That is the least that I can do to say I love you..
If only I had the ability to make everyone realize that they need to change before its too late.. That the world can end on any Friday.. maybe this Friday.. or next? No human knows.. Only God knows..
When someone you love is taken a way from you.. then you realize how precious the person is in your life.. then you realize how you wish you could turn back the time and say "I'm sorry for everything I have done to you.. I love you so much." But, I was only 12 at the time.. immature little rascal.. Of course, I always cling onto mama wherever I go.. I would go out with her and help her with things.. Let's just say that I was mama's little girl. Mama was a very loving, active and supporting mum.. She would enroll my siblings and I in various extra curricular activities. You name it.. I've tried taekwando, ballet, piano, gamelan, traditional dance, singing, acting, swimming... She would send us to the places and wait for us.. My family were not as fortunate compared to now.. in financial wise. Our satisfactions were filled with her love. We use to go to various places by bus, tram (HK), and taxi.. or sometimes we would walk.. For instance, we would walk from section 8 to the gymnastic gymnasium at section 6 while others would go by car.. The distance may not be very far but it is far enough to say that a lot of energy has been used. Mama would save up her money to buy things that we wanted.. we hardly get things on the very spot. Presents are always given during birthdays or when we get good grades. That's probably why I was always in top ten in the class during primary school. If you ask me about high school, to tell you the truth, I've never gotten more than one A in class. Yes never. The only A is from English. Period. My malay subject would be around B or C.. don't ask about history..
Just to make it clear, I wasn't as hard working as I was during primary school as mama would always support me with my studies. She would help me out when I'm stuck.. she would bring me to tuitions.. So when we moved back to Malaysia form HK because of mama's tragic death in 1998, I just couldn't study like I used to. I quit most of my activities. Gymnastic was still my fave until form 3 and later I felt it was never the same.. mama would watch me train everyday.. when I forgot to point my toe, she would go "Elena, point your toe." or "Elena, chin up." Mama was perfect... just perfect.. I never realized that.. I would say things in my heart when she scolds me.. but that was because I was very young.. I was so immature. I wish I could think and feel the way I am now back in those years..
God loves her more than I do..

Monday, September 1, 2008

Oh my dear

My laptop....
What can I say about it? Basically, I got it from my dad about..let me see.. during my diploma.. that was like... almost 5 years ago? I've been dying to change it for 2 years now but well, since my dad bought me a car which is worth so much, I decided to wait... and wait... and wait..
Back in the first 2 years that I got the laptop, I didn't feel any shame of bringing it around. Because it was in PERFECT condition. It still looked brand new.. no scratches.. no nothing..

Fast forward to the present, I can't shut my laptop properly cause I accidently knocked the side of my laptop at my friend's bed so the 'lock' thingy broke.. and the 'paint' or whatever you call it is disappearing and at times it sticks on my hand.. so that sucks.. Another, it's quite heavy compared to the hi-tech laptops these days. And, the sound of the fan is, at times, annoying.. That's why i'm actually dying to change this laptop..

and I repeat, BUT, the reason I'm stalling my wish to replace the laptop is because it has done so much for me.. I've been using this laptop to edit some of the videos that my group and I did back in diploma, I used it to write lecture notes, to do my assignments... well let's say everything. And to tell you the truth, this laptop has played a huge part in my achievements during diploma and currently, degree.. So yes, it does have a sentimental value to me or whatever the right word is..

This laptop isn't broken.. I'm using it right now.. but because of the 'outer' condition makes me want to replace it.. I know that some might say that I can afford to buy a new laptop. I won't deny that but the reasons include, 1) This laptop is still running perfectly 2) a new laptop costs either almost RM2k or more and I don't want to burden my dad afterall, he's currently paying for the car until I work 3) this laptop has never died on me. it's just the outer condition that prevents me from bringing it out from my house.. so it just lies in my room and services me when I need to use it

If I had the opportunity to buy a new laptop.. probably when I work? Well, I really would like to own a Sony Vaio.. My sister has it.. the first time she showed it to me through the internet when she studied in UK, I was really jealous. But at the time, this laptop was still perfect so the jealousy didn't last long.. :)
But right now there are so many pretty colours to choose from.. i'm eyeing on pink or gold.. but preferably gold.. it looks luxurious. MAC was on top of my list.. I craved for the apple. But then, I've been using windows for many years and getting used to something new would probably muddle my head. Plus some of the softwares aren't the same..
but of course, MAC is still powerful and lovely.
I did eye on Dell as I constantly kept receiving ads through the Star on its latest colourful laptops. I love yellow. But my brother said the spare parts are hard to find if anything happens to it.. so, i've crossed that out.
So yeah.. vaio... i would really love to have that.. but according to the brochure, for a black or white coloured laptop, it costs about RM3448 i think.. and if you want other colours (gold) you have to add another RM1k but of course the specs is different. I think just the ram. Can't remember.. rm4448 for a laptop... hrmm... i could buy 4 hi-tech handphones.. or use that to go back to Hong Kong. If I had a choice between laptop and Hong Kong, I would definitely choose HK. Or if between a car (if i didn't have a car) and HK, i still would choose HK. Trust me, i miss the country.
Can i stay there permanently? Get married and have babies there? With Min of course. Hehe.

Dream on..